


twelfth house.

by calore



Series: our secret moments in a crowded room. [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/F, I am so sorry, Internalized Homophobia, Secret Relationship, Songfic, also idk if this is ooc at parts or not i kinda just went with the flow of things, astrological symbolism, basically borderline smut, i made myself SAD whenwriting this.. yikes, ig thats my brand on here by now lmao, inspired by once more to see you by mitski, not loud but thats definitely There, secrets and the unconscious and stuff like that, so like. we r going There, this is poetic and meta as hell so im sorry if Nothing is understandable, this isnt nsfw but def suggestive at parts..., title refers to the 12th house in astrology...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:53:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28037235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calore/pseuds/calore
Summary: It was when they were alone, enclosed by four walls and hidden by curtains, that their love flourished.
Relationships: Kang Jaehee/Main Character (Mystic Messenger)
Series: our secret moments in a crowded room. [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2114883
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	twelfth house.

**Author's Note:**

> heyyyy ok so i had this idea when i... notices Something cheritz was doing with mcjaehee like the way they portray their relationship as something hidden in plain sight. think about the shared ghost costume in the Halloween event (both of the hiding under a sheet... yeah), the "being accidentally stuck in a storage closet" on the valentines dlc, and even the way their relationship is laid out on jaehee's route, it's implied in a manner in which they give us the pieces, little hints here and there, and we're the ones to piece them together. so i wanted to explore that idea and felt like this song encompassed it perfectly... it was way more melancholic than I imagined but well. i guess this tag is in need of some angst too so it wouldn't hurt that much. 
> 
> [here's the song btw.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O9yfLGT_ozQ)

A gold thread of sun outlined Chaeyoung’s neck, from the top of her ear down to her collarbone, making a sweet stop at her crystal earring, which became a tiny sun of its own. If Jaehee’s eyes followed their desired course, they’d take her to the source: the orange sun following them like a sentinel, making its presence known on the rearview mirror. It reflected onto Chaeyoung like a halo as if she were sketching a self-portrait of golden, outlining her chin, her lips… a map for Jaehee’s hands, showing them where they ought to be. Or perhaps they were a memory reel and outlined the paths they’d gone through instead.

Paths she starkly remembered tracing, feeling Chaeyoung’s soft skin shiver under her fingertips, lips relaxing into a smile when she caressed them. She remembered what came after, too: silky lips molding into hers, a body pressing flush, a tongue memorizing the inside of her mouth as if to sculpt it later, permeating it with dregs of cinnamon and peppermint and espresso, flavors Jaehee’d relished on ever since that kiss. She could feel them now, too, ghosts dancing on her tongue, filling her up with something akin to desire. It boiled inside her, threatened to spill. 

But she knew this was not the place, not the time, when a pair of stormy grey eyes met hers through the mirror. Though they carried no warning, they served as one. Though silently, they were still watching. The desire retreated inwards almost as quickly as it had risen, holding back its attack. Red flag, abort mission, as it always ended. 

Because, if these feelings ever spilled through their tight surface, if she and Chaeyoung ever let themselves be seen, even if for only a second… then that might be their end. It would be too much on both of them and they’d established that from the very beginning. Chaeyoung was the face of an elite charity organization that prided itself on its contributions to those who needed it most. She was known as a great benefactor, having won awards for her ability to bring people together to help the helpless. Her reputation was golden and priceless, and Jaehee’s wasn’t far from that either, as she was the chief secretary to one of the most important men in society. The spotlight would always be following her, even if only as a shadow, and any damage to her image would thereby damage Han Jumin’s.

Neither of them could afford honesty, so they chose secrecy instead. To take their love and lock it in a gilded chest, put it away in the basement where it would be hidden but never forgotten. They’d still both have matching keys ingrained in their hearts that would always turn. Even if it didn’t appear so, even if they kept their hands to themselves while surrounded by crowds, acting like ordinary long-time best friends. 

It was when they were alone, enclosed by four walls and hidden by curtains, that their love flourished. When they weren’t the generous socialite and the chief assistant anymore, just Chaeyoung and Jaehee, two women who happened to be in love, who happened to crave each other more than they should be allowed to. Jaehee thought once, maybe that’s why they loved in hiding because then they could pretend the love did not exist if it wasn’t perceived by others. That way, it would be easier for both of them to bear. But they knew that was not true. They still loved each other out in the open, just in a language only they knew: a glance across a room that belonged between kisses, a smile so tender it was reserved for the most special of people. 

Of course, such a love would make one lonesome. Though for Jaehee that lonesomeness didn’t stem from not having anybody there for her-- she had Zen, and of course, Chaeyoung-- but rather from feeling no one around her truly knew her. She didn’t like the fact that her love for Chaeyoung was the cause of this disconnect in the slightest. When they started this, she didn’t think it’d be a big deal, she’d just go about her life doing all the things she usually did only that now she’d be… closer… with her best friend (who was now a lover too), and they wouldn’t tell anyone because they didn’t have to. They were fine under wraps, being best friends while out in the world and lovers while in each other’s company. It’d be fine. 

That was before Jaehee learned you cannot detach the love from the lover. Before Chaeyoung’s love penetrated her, sprouting dandelions for her soul to wish on. Before she surrendered to it, let this enchanting and borderline dangerous part of her take hold, before she started craving more. She’d eventually give in to the love, and that would be the start of her undoing and her rebirth. She was a phoenix in romance, burning from its painful passion, coming alive from its tenderness. She didn’t realize that this love had struck her to her core until one day when discussions of weddings and marriage came up in an RFA meeting and Jaehee realized what she truly wanted, what she’d learned she wanted thanks to countless nights of kisses, was not what the world expected of her. And she’d speak her truth if it didn’t also reveal the secret she shared with Chaeyoung. 

So she kept up the mask she’d had on for the past twenty-eight years, now knowing no one would ever know what lay behind it. She loved alone, yearned alone. Chaeyoung was lonely too, she noticed, but she was also scared, and her fear grew as did the RFA’s popularity. And Jaehee, though not as afraid, would compromise, sacrificing herself into loneliness for her. That’s what one did in love, right?

Still, she found a way to keep going: those promises they’d make to each other while alone, promises they’d carve into each other’s skin and then seal with a kiss. _I am here_ , a hand traveling up Jaehee’s thigh would say, _and I will stay_ , another hand wrapping around her waist would add. Green eyes would then seep into hers a tenderness she could only dream of, igniting something at her very core. _Promise?_ , they would ask. 

By instinct, Jaehee’s lips would find Chaeyoung’s. They’d be soft and supple and she’d take them in, savoring every detail while she could. The way Chaeyoung’s orange locks caressed her face, how their legs intertwined to become one, how Chaeyoung’s knee pressed between her thighs, begging for more. And Jaehee would give her everything… she’d been daydreaming about this moment, planning out this exact scenario in her mind. With her hands in the small of Chaeyoung’s back, feeling the skin they’d craved to touch for an eternity, she’d memorize the corners of her mouth, trace the shape of her lips. While pulling back, she’d linger. _Promise_. 

Those pinky promise kisses were what kept her going through the lonely periods between their meetings. No matter if they were days or weeks apart, she would hold on. She would make it work, somehow. 

Of course, there were nights where she ached more than she should have, where the tendrils of love would caress her skin and urge her to scream Chaeyoung’s name atop every rooftop in the city of her heart, calling for more, more, _more_. Begging for an again that ever-rational side of her knew she’d get, but that her insatiable scorpian heart, always craving to go deeper and deeper, would forever ask. 

Those moments would start with a desire that would turn into sorrow, which would later turn into anger when she’d imagine what they could be if they didn’t have to hide. If they could both freely embrace this love, make it a fundamental part of themselves like it craved to be. It felt, then, as if they were fighting against their own desires who wanted to come to the surface, loud and boisterous and transformative, but that they had to keep sedated and hidden from view. Jaehee felt, in those times, that the love she kept suppressed would eat her alive, control her once she failed to control it. The idea terrified her, but she also knew it was only a matter of time. If being in the RFA taught her anything, it’s that all secrets have a due date. She just wondered when this due date was, when would their love leave the twelfth house of seclusion for the first house of the seen. 

Sometimes it felt like they were already there without knowing it. Like their secret spilled through the cracks, like those around them noticed their coded glances and subtle smiles. Of course, Jaehee would tell herself it was only her anxiety acting which would so often make her believe the very worst, but still, she could not miss the way Saeyoung chuckled when seeing them in a room alone, or how Jumin would smirk slightly any time Chaeyoung came to her office and they talked for longer than Jaehee could. But, if they knew, she told herself, then it’d be their secret too.

Cautiously, Jaehee looked back to the mirror, looking to find those grey eyes again, maybe confirming her suspicions of this shared secret, but now they were at the horizon, where the night was rising. Instead, she was met with green. For a second, she felt her breath stop. 

As it always was, Chaeyoung seemed to read the question plain on her wide eyes, and she had the exact answer for it, in the form of a small quirk of the corners: _We’ll be okay, no matter what. I promise._

Jaehee could only nod through the lump in her throat, licking her lips to log one more promise to seal with a kiss once they were alone. _Yes, I promise._

**Author's Note:**

> anyway i hope u enjoyed reading this, and if you did i'd love it if u left a comment telling me what u thought!! they rly make my day :)
> 
> also here's my [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/JAEHEESGF) and [tumblr](https://kangjaehee.tumblr.com) if u wanna talk!!


End file.
